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LovePsychodelico
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Name: Heather
Birthday: 4/10/1985
Interests: http://www.myspace.com/lovepsychodelico
I'm interested in Japanese language (nihon-go o hanashimashou!), independant and foreign films (especially French cinema), foreign foods, my favorite bands are Radiohead, Nirvana, Sonic Youth, Weezer, Beck, Love Psychedelico, Thee Michelle Gun Elephant. I'm a huge fan of Camus and Dostoevsky. Sin City, Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms, Suicide Club, All About Lily Chou Chou, Amelie, Donnie Darko, The Crow. Organic foods. I paint and play guitar but that's a secret.
Expertise: Sociology, Japanese Language, Art, Tutoring, Eating, Model U.N.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  cutie86302
MSN: water_is_wet@hotmail.com
Member Since:
5/22/2004
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| -wheels spinning-
we never stopped running in circles
nursed this far too long
on regurgitated nutrients and borrowed air
and i'm out of the loop now
feeding such an ugly existence
believing it was normal
and beautiful
it died long ago
constant revival
does not equate a second birth
it's dying inside me
all the thousand thoughts we shared
my own thoughts blend together
and for the first time i'm not afraid
uninterrupted and sleeping in silence
i'll wake up to new days
and when reminded of what i lost here
i still have to go my own way
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| I was in the kitchen after work tonight fixing myself some toast with
Nutella on it. My parent's bathroom is above our kitchen. It was so
quiet that I could hear my mom vomiting. It's something I try not to
think about. She does it everytime she eats and throughout the day. She
lives on half cheese sandwiches and bacon. She never eats vegetables or
fruit. She never drinks water juice or milk... she drinks beer like
water. (My ex actually told me that once after having stayed here for a
few weeks.... "Geez... your mom drinks beer like water"). She drinks
diet soda a lot too. I just can't imagine that all the fluids that
sustain her are beer and diet soda... She smokes too. For someone as
health-concious as I am.... it just freaks me out. I can't imagine
anyone living very long like that.... not that she's ever wanted to I
suppose. Live, that is. I've simply resigned myself to the fact that
she's going to die young when her body gets tired or eating itself
(which is basically what happens to people who purge... their bodies
begin to digest themselves. Sores swell up in the stomach from all the
acid churning in there... Mom's had a lot of stomach ulcers in her
life.) or gets tired of breathing in tobacco smoke or living on alcohol
and sacharin poisened water.
I don't know what else to say on that really. I don't know if I can say
that I feel badly about it because I grew up knowing this my whole life
about her. I guess I just felt like stating the facts within the safety
of my little blog where people will only come across it if they're
interested enough in me to care about those things.
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| Lyrics of the moment:
Not a lot of patience
You're not a patient man
Don't have a heart to stay with
You get it while you can
Just because you can
Get out of it
And I wasted your time, didn't I and
That that's the reason we fight all the time
It's been so long since you've been a friend of mine
Friend of Mine - Liz Phair
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| -It's me, and I can't get myself to go away-
I don't know if I make my own life a living hell. Maybe it's the
situation. I'm potentially losing everything I ever had. Everything for
nothing. Or potential something for everything which will end up being nothing by the time it's over. Everybody wants me and
nobody wants me. I'm a toy to everyone.
I'm so god damned alone.
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I'm laying in bed thinking of you and what you said on the phone. My
god I hope you haven't done it this time. My heart is beating a mile a
minute. If yours ever stops, mine will too.
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I had an awful stomach ache again today. I've had really debilitating
stomach aches for about five years. Likely caused from increased stress
and anxiety. I got to thinking about that and the fact that maybe
that's all my life is - one big belly ache. Everything is so unsettling
right now. Anything I want to get attached to isn't perminant. It's not
a fun place to be. It's a carnival with trick mirrors in every corner.
Everything is an illusion. I'm so lonely right now. Gloomy days like today make me sadder and lonlier than usual.
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